no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
