I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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