Whod you bang
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
