Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
