Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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