a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
