The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
