I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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