btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
