a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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