Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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