everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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