i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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