idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
