i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
