Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
