i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
FUCK WHALES
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