I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
