..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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