Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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