it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize