the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
