You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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