I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im part way to drunk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
