Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
