chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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