as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
