i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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