I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
