he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
