i don't like sucking hair
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize