Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
