I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
