Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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