so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
