He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ttyl tear gas
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
