Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
