I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
