I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
