So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
