no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
