I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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