I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
