I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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