Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
