They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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