There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
