I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
