Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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