im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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