david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
