I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
