I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
