Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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