I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
