so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize