omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
