I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
