My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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