I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
