I want to make a zoo with you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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