saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
