You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize