He uses pillows to masturbate.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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