Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wish there were birth control emojis
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
