His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
