She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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