Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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