Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
