I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
