I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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