Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
