i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
