I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
