i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
