I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
