a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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