at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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