Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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