fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You took a bar mat shot.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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