all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
