Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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