We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
